• Home
  • contact
  • Freebies
  • Privacy Policy
  • Five Minute Friday
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

Stay At Home Mom On Purpose

Encouraging moms to stay home even when it doesn't make financial sense

  • Start Hereif you're new
  • faithto rely on Him
  • God’s ProvisionHe'll take care of you
  • Stay At Home Momstend to your kids & home
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
You are here: Home / Stay At Home Moms / To the Lonely Stay At Home Mom

To the Lonely Stay At Home Mom

October 28, 2019 4 Comments

Picture of woman in street with text overlay To the Lonely Stay At Home Mom

Motherhood can be lonely. It’s a hard time in your life where your friends and you all go your separate ways. They live the single life and you’re up to your eyeballs in poopy diapers and haven’t bathed in 3 days. You can’t ever get together with them because your priority is now the time you spend with your family. And, then your friends have to learn that your family is more important than they are. 

You need someone to talk to but it seems like no one understands. Your friends think you’re complaining and how hard can it be staying at home all day? After all, don’t you just lounge around in your pajamas and watch tv? 

Your husband doesn’t quite get it because, well, as amazing as he is, he just doesn’t see what you do. You try to talk about your day and the response you get is, “Isn’t this what you wanted?” Just because you are living out your dream doesn’t mean it doesn’t come with its difficulties.

Motherhood can become especially lonely at all those hard stages…having a toddler, having a teenager, etc. You try to talk about how hard it is and all the other parents just say, “Wait until they are a teenager”. But, the problem is that those parents haven’t had a toddler in a decade. They can’t remember what it was like. I forget after only one year…then the baby grows into a toddler and it all comes back to me and I think why in the world did I want to do this again?!

I have been that mom so many times…the lonely mom. It’s not a great feeling. Here are some things to consider if you find yourself lonely.

Satan Wants Us to Be A Lonely Stay At Home Mom

Isolation is one of the biggest tools of the enemy. God created us to grow in groves. My pastor once told us this analogy and I think it’s the perfect picture of why God gives us others. If you look at a redwood tree, it’s one of the mightiest and tallest trees out there. Yet, it has one of the most shallow root systems. Redwoods are protected because they grow together. By themselves, they are weak but together, they can stand strong in the mightiest of storms.

Satan wants to bring us out of that protective grove where we can easily blow over in the slightest of winds. He isolates us by making us feel lonely. When we’re lonely, we further isolate ourselves. 

You Have to Force Yourself to Reach Out

The last time I felt lonely, I let it go on for weeks before I finally reached out to a friend. She immediately made herself available and we went out to coffee. It took me weeks because I kept thinking about how nobody cared or loved me, “Don’t they see how I am not doing so well?” “Why are my friends so busy all the time, do they not care about me?” But, see, this was all the enemy’s doing. The more I threw myself a pity party, the more I isolated myself.

My friends are not psychic. I should have reached out right away instead of stewing in my self pity for weeks. 

Next time you start to feel lonely, reach out right away. Your friends do care. Do you have a friend who prays for you when you ask? Do you have a friend who is your sunshine, who always cheers you up even if they have called you to talk about their own problems?

How to Decrease Social Anxiety

When I was a young mom, I would go weeks without talking to another adult (besides my husband). I would forget how to talk to other adults. But, it comes back quickly. The more you socialize, the easier it becomes. 

I also have a lot of social anxiety. The thought of going somewhere and talking to a bunch of people I don’t know gets me so terrified my heart races and I start shaking. But, you know what I have discovered? Most of us moms are in the same boat-terrified of that awkward socializing with new people.

Years ago, I started forcing myself to socialize, as terrifying as it was. At bible study, I would sit by someone I didn’t know. When I go to our homeschool co-op, I get an hour off to do whatever I want. I force myself to walk into the breakroom, full of strangers, and sit down at a table of women I don’t know. 

You know what has happened through me forcing myself to do this? I have met a lot of new friends. God has also used me…I have had quite a few conversations with these strangers that made me realize God sent me that woman. If I would have not forced myself to get over my anxiety then I would have missed out on that opportunity for God to use me. 

If I think back to when I was younger, I realize all this forcing myself to socialize has also made it much easier. I still get a bit of anxiety but once I sit down next to that stranger, the conversations flow naturally.

Put Your Phone Away

The other day at our homeschool co-op, I was exhausted. I just did not want to socialize at all. So, you know what I did? I got out my phone and was on that for a while before I felt guilty that I was wasting time and went out into a quiet hall to have some quiet time. Smart phones have made it so much easier for us introverts and those of us with social anxiety to do nothing about it. We can so easily whip out our phone and everyone will leave us alone. Leave your phone in your purse or even better, your car. Avoid the temptation to hide behind your phone. 

You were made to have that need to talk with others and to develop bonds with others. You can’t hide behind your phone or not force yourself to socialize and then complain that you have no friends.

Why Is Loneliness On the Rise?

Loneliness is becoming an epidemic. Searches about loneliness are one of the top searches on Google. So, why are we becoming a lonely society? I believe it’s because of a few factors. 

We Isolate Ourselves

We’ve become a society that isolates ourselves. We used to value neighborhood block parties and spending most of our time on our front porch with our neighbors. Everyone’s front door was always open so neighbors could just come right in. Now, we get upset and ignore our front door when someone knocks. We stay in our homes, playing video games or watching tv.

We also isolate ourselves by being on our phones all the time. Our kids spend their time on the bus on their phones instead of talking with their friends. If you look at all the neighborhood kids walking to the bus stop, most of them are on their phones. If you look around in a restaurant, many people have their faces buried in their phones.

We’re Too Busy

Another problem I see is that we’re just so busy all the time, we don’t make time for each other. No one has time anymore to get together with their friends. Moms used to spend their days together. Now, in your mom circles, you’ll have moms that work all day or are gone running their kids to classes, sports, and lessons. For many of us, busyness can make us feel important or feel like our kids are important. I talk about my own struggles with busyness in How We Should Spend Our Time: Is Our Busyness Hurting More Than Helping.

How Can You Make Friends?

If you’re a young stay at home mom who feels lonely, the biggest thing you can do is pray. Ask God to send you some good friends. That’s exactly what He did for me…and He put them right in my neighborhood.

There are also groups for moms where you can hang out with others that are in the same phase of life as you. M.O.P.S. is one of those groups. You can find a group near you here. Even if you have a mix of small kids and older children, they have a group called MomsNext. 

I also highly recommend going to the women’s bible study at your church. I have met so many women at my large church by going through bible study. They have been there through so many hard times, just listening and praying over me.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: Stay At Home Moms

Subscribe Here!

Do you want to be the first to know when I add new content?

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jenna | Peaches & Prayer says

    October 28, 2019 at 6:41 pm

    Great post!! I struggled with feeling alone a lot when I first became a mom. It came back again when I had my second child. The days are long and the years are short.

    Reply
    • admin says

      October 29, 2019 at 5:07 pm

      Yes, so true!

      Reply
  2. Sarah says

    November 4, 2019 at 11:39 am

    As an introvert I didn’t really struggle with loneliness – until becoming a sahm! I
    Love your point about just reaching out to people!

    Reply
    • admin says

      November 4, 2019 at 5:07 pm

      Neither did I! When I was in the workforce, no one knew I was an introvert…but, being home all day just caused me to sink into myself more. I thought I liked being alone and didn’t need others! I guess it goes along with that verse, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly…” Prov 18:24a NKJV

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I accept the Privacy Policy

Primary Sidebar

search

Archives

  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • January 2019
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • August 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • March 2018
  • February 2018

Hi! My name is Melissa and I would love to encourage you as a stay at home mom or as a working mom who's been feeling that stir to quit your job so you can be a stay at home mom. Who am I to tell you to quit your job because God will provide? Find out here

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest

Copyright © 2023 · Studio Mommy Themes · Custom Scene Images

Copyright © 2023 · Adore Me on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. It's the kind of The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. It's the kind of place where you have to remind yourself to breathe because the beauty steals your breath. 

We took all 5 of our kids through Yellowstone and while everyone was soaking up God's stunning creation, I was busy trying not to puke with anxiety. I was terrified one of my kids was going to trip and plumet to their brutal death.

This is how the enemy uses fear to steal your joy in motherhood. We can either soak up all the good that God has for us or we can choose to keep our eyes steadfast on all the what if's.

Today, I am going to choose to lavish these moments God has given me on this earth. I will have to make this choice 5,286 times a day because I am prone to worry. Fear is my comfortable place, but it's not a place of beauty. I don't want to be old and think back on my motherhood with regrets that I missed out on everything or that I made my kids miss out because of my own fears. 

Don't let your fears rob your children of their joy.
As women, we have a longing to be more spiritual. As women, we have a longing to be more spiritual. It's an age-old, deeply rooted hunger that the serpent preyed on in the garden when he tempted Eve with knowledge. "For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil" (Genesis 3:5). Many of us busy ourselves with becoming wiser. We read all the books. We take all the classes.

When we feel we've worked on ourselves enough, we set our eyes on our husbands. We try to push him to God. We take on this responsibility of changing our husbands into the men we want them to be. We forget that "... he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6b). It's hard for me to admit I'm probably the biggest offender of this. But, God showed me that I was just interfering with His work in my husband. I was interfering with God being able to use my husband.

I will stand back. I will be still as I watch God work. I choose to look at my husband through God's lenses,"Lord, help me to see my husband through your eyes." I'm going to go against the world and I will ensure the words from my mouth empower my husband to be the man God has called him to be.
Many tears were shed during school this morning. Many tears were shed during school this morning.  My mommy tank gas light came on about a week ago and I have dwindled down to fumes. The kind of fumes where I flee to the bathroom every time I hear, "Mommmmmmy" (which is quite often when you have 5 kids). It's been 6 weeks since I have left my house...6 weeks since I have gotten to spend any amount of time by myself. 
My husband urged me on today to fill my tank. 
I drove and drove, with the worship music loud enough to rattle my lungs, barely tolerable for these aging ears of mine. I worshipped. I cried. I prayed. Then, I stopped and read a book, in complete silence, with only the little birdies distracting me.

It was heavenly. And, I am ready to return home on a full tank.

It's important for us to take time to ourselves as moms. During these difficult times, don't neglect yourself.

What creative things have you done to get mommy breaks when everything is locked down?
Do you have a hunger to feel useful? To have purpo Do you have a hunger to feel useful? To have purpose? 
If you would have played a snippet from my life right now to the 21-year old me, I would never in a million years guess that it was a snippet from my future life. I would have guessed maybe a snippet from some of my other friends who seemed to have it all together and love the Lord. Me? I was one of the bad girls. I got in with the wrong crowd and chose partying over walking with the Lord. 
I think many of us have this desire but give up because we'll never be good enough for God to use us. 
So, how did I go from that to being a useful vessel for the Lord?

Check out the link in my bio to see how God wants to use you...how He can use your hard times to give others life
I am enjoying having to make our own communion bre I am enjoying having to make our own communion bread for church, especially on a day like today. It's much more thoughtful than just walking up and grabbing some off a tray.

It makes me really think about what Jesus went through just for me...all the awful I would ever do, He knew it all and yet He still did it for me. He purchased me with His very own blood. 
Before He even gave His life, He had to go through the fire, to make his body ready to be a sacrifice for us. 
Anyone else making their own?
Sure, I am telling everyone that everything will b Sure, I am telling everyone that everything will be ok. I am telling everyone to trust in the Lord and that He's got this. But, inside, everything is exploding. I am so freaked out that I have the constant urge to throw up and I keep thinking, "Wow, that must have been a great workout at the gym" because my muscles ache so much. But, I haven't been to the gym in a week-they ache because I am so tense.

I picture myself in a game of freeze tag and someone has tagged me. I am standing there, frozen solid in position. I can't move forward. I am paralyzed.

I was laying in bed last night when God gave me this picture. It was of a field of wheat with ripe grain, ready to be plucked. The field blew in gentle waves and stretched on to the horizon.

Then, God showed me how I am absolutely and totally paralyzed with fear. I have an opportunity to be used by God in huge ways but dingbat me is utterly useless right now.

The harvest is ripe but the workers are few. I believe that our nation is going to be more receptive to the gospel than ever before.

I don't know if anyone can relate but I need to stop being such a dingbat. I want to be used by God in this huge opportunity we have. The harvest is ripe and plentiful. I want to see God come in and reap.
Road trip with my girl to watch my niece try on pr Road trip with my girl to watch my niece try on princess dresses (aka wedding dresses). I am so thankful for this special girly time hanging out with my nieces and my daughter.

Taking them on these little trips is one way we get one-on-one time with each of our 5 kids and help them to feel special for a bit.

Do you have any special traditions you do with your kids?

#roadtrip#sugarandspice #sahm #momlife #sahmlife #stayathomemom #motherhood  #parenting#momblogger #mom #motherhoodunplugged #parenthood #family #momsofinstagram #girlmom #momlifeisthebestlife#momblog
Load More... Follow Me